Friday, December 18, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Professor Shimon Gibson, the archaeologist who discovered the tomb, said ancient writings and contemporary shrouds from other areas ……… finally provided the physical evidence.
“Frankly he’s shocked” admitted Monsignor Luis Pompelino, the spokesman for his holiness Pope Benedict XVI.
“I suppose it brings a kind of closure to the situation, you know.
We always held out hope that he might still be alive, somewhere, but I guess this puts an end to that.”
Christian Evangelical ministers, however, were quick to point out the possible benefits of todays news.
“Considering what happens in most of these cases it was always a somewhat forlorn hope - particularly after not hearing anything for the first couple of thousand years, explained Oral Haggard, leader of the Bareback Church ministry in Colorado
"Perhaps, once the grieving process is over, we can finally learn to stop obsessing about Jesus and begin to move on with our own lives."
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Friends and family of "high class call girl" Belle de Jour were today said to be reeling at the stunning revelation that the notorious blogger has been leading a secret life as a post doctoral cancer researcher.
"Quite frankly I'm shocked", revealed one source, on conditions of anonymity.
"Hasn't she thought of what this will do to her career?"
"It's all very well dreaming of this sort of irresponsible lifestyle - after all, which one of us, in our wildest fantasies, have never imagined discovering an epidemiological link that explains 16% of the risk of prostate cancer, for instance, or working out which small molecular inhibitor of a specific tyrosine kinase functions as an effective treatment for lymphoma"
"Belle really needs to come to her senses and end this self-destructive behavior that has led her into the 'scientific research' lifestyle and devote herself to developing a more financially viable career, more caring and appreciative employers and a greater stability of employment - such as prostitution"
Family sources admit they should have noticed the signs that were there all along.
"I once heard her mention that she was interested in trying for a tenure track position. I naturally assumed that this was just another unspeakably kinky sex act that a rich client wanted to pay oodles of money for. It's only now that I've looked it up on the internet and finally realized the full horror of what she meant. I think I'm going to be sick, excuse me......"
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Sedalia teacher Sherry Melby said "I don't think evolution should be associated with our school" as the now famous Smith-Cotton high school 'Brass Band Evolution' T-shirts were confiscated, prayed over, exorcised, forgiven and then burned at the stake.
Not so fast Sherry.
Aren't you forgetting something?
Scienceblogger Grrlscientist is on a mission.
With your help she will take the last remaining T-shirt far from the grasping claws of Sedalia Assistant Superintendent Brad Pollitt, the cretinous holly roller who struck the match.
Grrlscientist has agreed to hide the last Smith-Cotton T-shirt in the last place Brad Pollit can possibly find it.
When there Grrlscientist will place the T-shirt in one of four places.
1. Supermans Fortress of Solitude
2. In Adrian Veidt's retreat, Karnak.
3. On the largest naturally selected Emperor Penguin she can find
or in the unlikely event she doesn't manage one of the first three options,
4. On herself and subsequently post a picture of this on the internet!
Register and vote Grrlscientist for Antactica HERE!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
“It appears that Stephen Jay Gould was correct after all” exclaimed team leader Ken Collins.
Gould’s model of ‘Non-Overlapping-Magisteria’ or NOMA for short, has long been held up as a solution to the vexed question of demarcating the roles of naturalism and faith. Gould’s model involved the idea that religion and science occupy two separate spheres of influence – or ‘Magisteria’ as Gould termed them.
Problems with the model, however, arose from the definition of the aforementioned ‘Magisteria’. While the ‘Scientific Magisteria’ was rapidly identified and defined as “everything in nature amenable to empirical analysis”, the Religious Magisteria has, until now, remained elusive.
The reason for this mystery is apparent in the newly acquired definition of 'Religious Magisteria'.
‘The Religious Magisteria contains everything not empirically measurable, which does not interact with the Scientific Magisteria at any level’
The announcement of a complete absence of interaction between the two Magisteria, was initially greeted with enthusiasm by many religious scientists - although the reaction was cut short when some awkward implications of this model was pointed out.
In related news the Templeton foundation has today announced their support for an entirely new project, this time in search of the ‘Slightly Overlapping Magisteria’.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
“The way to deal with superstition is not to be polite to it, but to tackle it with all arms, and so rout it, cripple it, and make it forever infamous and ridiculous. Is it, perchance, cherished by persons who should know better? Then their folly should be brought out into the light of day, and exhibited there in all its hideousness until they flee from it, hiding their heads in shame.
True enough, even a superstitious man has certain inalienable rights. He has a right to harbor and indulge his imbecilities as long as he pleases, provided only he does not try to inflict them upon other men by force. He has a right to argue for them as eloquently as he can, in season and out of season. He has a right to teach them to his children. But certainly he has no right to be protected against the free criticism of those who do not hold them. He has no right to demand that they be treated as sacred. He has no right to preach them without challenge.”
– H L Mencken, “Aftermath” (coverage of the Scopes Trial) The Baltimore Evening Sun, (September 14, 1925)
Great news for Mooney and Kirshenbaum
Carl Sagan has returned!
Scienceblogs.com have been running the following image for a while now, featuring Carl Sagan, which links to a ridiculous Intelligent Design site called Cosmicfingerprints.com run by someone called Perry Marshall, an ID creationist (and an engineer!).
Marshall uses all the usual ID arguments (DNA code from a mind, random mutation etc).
Except this time who is there helping him?
Carl Sagan, the ultimate accomodationist - Lady Hope style.
Take that atheists.
Monday, August 10, 2009
The much anticipated result of theology’s hottest competition was announced today to a waiting audience of world religious leaders.
Papal spokesman Monsignor Francisco Pompino, read from a prepared statement:
“The argument provided by Blaise Pascal has weathered over three centuries of theological debate. It has been one of the strongest intellectual weapons in the church’s armory for over three hundred years, convincing countless individuals that the interests of their immortal soul lies not with abandoning belief but with accepting His existence. As Pascal wrote, treating the belief in God as if a wager, belief is the more logically beneficial option, for “if you gain, you gain all; if you lose, you lose nothing. Wager, then, without hesitation that He is.”
In accordance with this wager, our Most Holy Father, Pope Benedict XVI has today conveyed to the assembly of cardinals a personal revelation he received directly from the Lord God Himself. God, who apparently speaks with a Welsh accent and a slight lisp, revealed that Pascal was indeed correct. Not only this but Pascal, in writing the famous wager, was merely relaying “a bloody great hint” direct from above.
As such, those who accepted the God of Pascal would be granted eternal paradise and those who rejected the Holy Churches teachings would indeed “burn in hellish agony for all eternity”.
Monsignors Pompino’s announcement was marked by a mix of wild applause from the gathered Roman Catholic clerics but shocked silence from the leaders of the other major religions. Speaking in hushed tones Iranian spiritual leader Ayatollah Wudja-Ah, leader of the Islamic Shiah muslim population, explained, “but it cannot be. Our heaven is so much better than the Catholic heaven, and our hell? Their hell has burning but do they stop to give new skin every now and then? No! Ours does and yet they win? Can we ask for a recount?”
Protests also erupted amongst the gathered Mormon, Sikh, Jewish and Hindu leaders, furious that their choice had been overlooked. Secular figures also expressed some surprise: Richard Dawkins, author of ‘The God Delusion’ when asked for a comment could only muster “oh bugger”.
While some commenters voiced suspicions that Gods revelation seemed to favor followers of the Pope’s own church over all others, their objections were silenced when Monsignor Pompino revealed that God pointed out an important section in the fine print.
“In order to collect on the wager, the participant must have accepted, as Lord, Pascal’s God and followed all his rules”
“Unfortunately”, explained Monsignor Pompino, “this meant the winners are confined to those who believe in strict 17th century Catholicism.” “But we thought we were doing the right thing moving on from there - Vatican II and all that” stated the clearly emotional spokesman. “I mean, who actually believes all that medieval stuff any more, really.”
Despite this unexpected development at least two individuals have reached the Vatican claiming victory, namely the actor and director Mel Gibson and his father Hutton.“No comment” said the elder Gibson as he passed the waiting reporters, while his son was equally reticent, only pausing to state a cryptic “lets see that traffic cops face now!”.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
“It’s this sort of “facty” thinking that makes the rest of us normal folk despise those white coated lab freaks” said Framey, speaking at the launch of his new book “Unscientific and Hysterical”.
“I just don’t think they’ve thought it through. Just because every single religious scientist demonstrates fantastic levels of compartmentalisation, completely separating their scientific work from their religious views, they seem to think that it’s a general phenomenon.”
“They completely reject the one piece of evidence from the only source the public holds with the utmost confidence – focus group poll results. These polls tell us that the public doesn’t like the idea of cognitive dissonance, finding it “icky”, “not warm and fuzzy, the way we like it” and “a bit too close for comfort”.
“It’s time to take science back from 'scientists' and give it to the one group of professionals with the knowledge, respect for facts and necessary ethical framework to bring the field of human knowledge to the next level - journalists.
Framey’s attack drew a rapid response this afternoon from three of the leading atheist scientists PZ Coyne, PZ Dawkins and PZ Moran.
“Quite frankly I’m shocked”, exclaimed Coyne.
“We never had such problems with the old school moderate accomodationists like Carl Sagan or Stephen Jay Gould. It’s the ‘New Accomodationists’ who have adopted this rather bigoted and narrow approach to accomodationism.”
“I just don’t see their problem”, added Moran, “why can’t they just admit that science, religiousness and cognitive dissonance are compatible”.
“I think fundamentalist religions have a lot to answer for in today’s world”, said Professor PZ Dawkins, “yet it’s clear that fundamentalistic accomodationism is just as bad”
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Former head of the National Human Genome Research Institute and avid CS Lewis fan Francis Collins was today appointed the next Director of the NIH, the Narnia Institute of Health, according to sources close to Dr Collins.
“Francis is honored to have been considered for this post by the great Lord Aslan” stated our source.
Collins is expected to bring his enormous experience of modern molecular genetics to the table as his team at the NIH attempts to tackle the number one health problem currently afflicting Narnian citizens, namely petrification of the various talking animals by the evil ice queen.
Since departing his previous post as head of the Human Genome Project Collins has become well known through his promotion of the view that belief in Science and Narnia are compatible.
“Science is the method through which we learn about the world using conjecture based on known facts, model building and experimental verification, relying ultimately on the principles of methodological naturalism. Scientific knowledge about every aspect of the universe is essentially tentative and as such is constantly open to refinement based on newly acquired data. Narnia, on the other hand is a magic land, entered through a door in the back of a wardrobe. It’s full of talking animals and its history is dominated by a war between a blonde witch with icicles in her hair and a talking Lion who possesses the ability to come back from the dead.
Now do you see? There’s clearly no conflict!”
Saturday, May 30, 2009
On May 29th the radio show, 'The Last Word' with Matt Cooper, included the following segment with Catholic League president, Bill O Donohue and human rights activist and abuse survivor Colm O'Gorman.
I'll let Bill's words speak for themselves.
HT Atheist Media Blog
Friday, May 29, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Economists the World over are hailing the Republic of Ireland's innovative approach to the international financial crisis. Dubbed the ‘Ahern Strategy’ after its creator, Minister for Justice Dermot Ahern, the plan is expected to rapidly turn a national debt of €37 billion into a surplus of almost €300 billion.
“Quite frankly I’m shocked”, stated internationally renowned financial analyst Brian Ellison.
“Why nobody thought of this before simply astounds me.”
Ahern’s plan is based on the simple idea that the State can extract a charge from any individual who falls foul of the new law of defamation against religion.
While anti-blasphemy laws have been in place in Ireland since the adoption of the republics 1937 constitution they have been rather toothless in the absence of a legal definition of the term.
“That’s the genius of Ahern’s plan” Ellison explains. “He’s defined “Blasphemous matter" as "grossly abusive or insulting in relation to matters held sacred by any religion, thereby causing outrage among a substantial number of the adherents of that religion; and he or she intends, by the publication of the matter concerned, to cause such outrage" and put a figure of €100,000 as the fine to be levied by the State for each breach of the new law.”
“Brilliant! I can’t describe it an any other way”
Catholic and Protestant church services are full of statements about God that are blasphemous to Muslims. Both Jewish and Muslim beliefs about the divinity of Jesus Christ are clearly blasphemous to Christians. Hindu’s and Buddhists fare no better and the claim by atheists that religions have as much basis in fact as the story of the three little pigs is offensive to most if not all true believers. Is there anyone in the country that’s excluded by this marvellous act?”
“Just do the calculations!”
“3.3 million adults in Ireland at €100,000 a pop…….”
“That’s €330 billion Euro!”
Public reaction to the law has been mixed so far.
Letters of support for the legislation have been appearing in the national newspapers.
For instance Mr OB Laden writing to The Irish Independent’ from Torabora, County Offaly states,
“The crimes of the apostates are many and Allah is clear that we must avenge these wrongs. We applaud the brave stance of Mr Ahern on this matter. His help shall not be forgotten and will be rewarded in due course. We assure him that when we are in control his death shall be quick and painless”
Speaking to RTE TV reporters in Dublin this week some locals out shopping had a more negative opinion of the ‘Aherne Plan’
“Jesus, Mary and Joseph” said Anne Kelly, 55 from Coolock, County Dublin, when told of the new legislation, before being unexpectedly dragged away by the State security services for publicly flouting the new law.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Our inside source at the Institute of Discovery today spilled the beans on what he described as "Intelligent Design's secret weapon", namely the devastating arguments advanced by Stony Brook University's Dr Michael Egnor.
Dr Egnor, a neurosurgeon based at the University's department of pediatrics, has for a number of years captivated the field of evolutionary biology with his original and thought provoking arguments against the modern theory of evolution.
Who can forget such classics as the unforgettable 'gene duplication doesn't add information to the genome because its the equivalent of plagiarism'?
Or perhaps his clever rhetorical dismantling of the classic evolutionist argument that overuse of antibiotics will lead to the evolution of resistant clones that will predominate in the population with the result that current antibiotic treatments are rendered ineffective.
"The idea that Darwinists can take credit for the simple observation that bacteria that aren't sensitive to antibiotics is astonishing. It's a ridiculous notion. Darwinism is nothing in our understanding of that."
Egnor stood apart from almost every other creationist in his willful refusal to countenance any possible application of evolutionary theory in modern science.
Well, perhaps one application....
"In fact, I think it’s safe to say that the only contribution evolution has made to modern medicine is to take it down the horrific road of eugenics, which brought forced sterilization and bodily harm to many thousands of Americans in the early 1900s."
In a recent classic Egnorian post in his Open Letter for the Society for Integrative and Comparative Biology his appreciation for the modern scientific establishment was made plain.
"Evolution is worthless to experimental biology and worthless to medical research. The most "evolution-denying" country in the Western world — the United States — is the world’s undisputed scientific leader."
Dr Egnor's absolute refusal to accept the mountains of evidence heaped in front of him by biologists, and his ever more outlandish arguments in favor of Intelligent Design led has many to the conclusion that his primary function for the Discovery Institute is to make the likes of Michael Behe and Jonathan Wells appear reasonable in comparison.
Our source, however, claims this idea is mistaken.
"No, he isn't joking, he actually believes that stuff!"
"The Darwinists think he's mad or put his foot in it when he flies off the handle and claims that he's disproved evolution by pointing out that people with brain cancer don't evolve better brains, but they fail to realize that making these sorts of ridiculously outlandish claims is the whole point!"
"Don't you see?"
"Look, Egnor doesn't believe in evolution, OK?
In fact he doesn't seem to accept even the basic microevolutionary points that Ken Ham or Kent Hovind wouldn't dispute, like bacterial development of antibiotic resistance.
He even makes it clear to all that even the simplest aspects of evolutionary theory are as comprehensible to him as calculus to a chicken.
And yet, what is he?"
"He's a God-damned BRAIN SURGEON!"
"Not only that, he's an award winning physician that has clearly done well in his chosen career - as a BRAIN SURGEON!
Have I mentioned yet that he's a BRAIN SURGEON?
The public look at this situation and see someone who makes biological claims about evolution that are too silly for even Kent Hovind to pass off and at the same time they notice that the claimant is in fact a BRAIN SURGEON!
What are they to conclude?
Who do you seriously think the public will listen to?
A group of nerdy scientists who spend their whole time counting fruit flies?"
"Or a BRAIN SURGEON?"
"Look, Egnor is living proof that knowledge of evolutionary biology is not required for success as a physician - and not just any sort of physician, but a BRAIN SURGEON!"
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Many past and current scientists who have made major contributions to our understanding of the world have been devout believers in the zodiac. At the same time, many people accept the reality of astronomy, and many astrological groups have issued emphatic statements reflecting this acceptance.
To be sure, disagreements do exist. Some people reject any science that contains the word “astronomy”; others reject all forms of astrology. The range of beliefs about science and about the zodiac is very broad.
Regrettably, those who occupy the extremes of this range often have set the tone of public discussions. Astronomy is science, however, and only science should be taught and learned in science classes.
Modified from HERE
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
“Quite frankly we’re shocked” explained Mr Levi. “Obviously this might affect matters somewhat. We’re going to think this one through for a while and get back to you”
Palestinian spokesman Abraham Cohen (formerly Mohammed Al-Bagrani) had earlier explained events leading up to today’s unexpected developments.
“The population in Gaza has endured years of confinement, destitution and isolation. People were forbidden to leave their premises, couldn’t visit friends and were even deprived of television as power generators were destroyed by Israeli missiles.
In this situation there is but one activity to pass the time and maintain the peoples spirit - namely reading!
Sadly however, after four decades the one inevitability we all feared eventually came to pass.
We ran out of books!
Desperation set in as people resorted to ingredient lists on food packaging, telephone directories and, as things turned particularly grim, mobile phone instruction guides.
Then, just last week, by a 'miraculous' stroke of luck a recent consignment of aid arriving from the United States was found to contain not food or medicine, but a large package of books from a kind charitable group called the Gideon corporation!
We managed to distribute these books throughout Gaza five days ago and the entire population, starved of all literature for weeks, began simultaneously reading the same book, which is entitled ‘The Holy Bible'.
At first, what with the talking snake, that guy living in the whale and the whole ‘every animal in the world fits onto a single boat’ bit, we naturally assumed it was a comedy. The laughs provided by these sections certainly cheered many a small child, wearied by long days of cowering under kitchen tables from flying shrapnel or helping pick up their brothers and sisters from school - or at least pieces of them.
However comedy it is not, and soon the tragic side of the Bible story began to be revealed.
One section in particular struck such a chord with the Gaza people that a fierce debate soon struck up within the community.
In the tale, called ‘Exodus’, we read of an ancient group of people torn from their land and held captive by a pitiless and unforgiving ruler.
Despite being a story of hardship, malice and slavery it is, yet, a tale of hope!
The refusal of that ruler to negotiate their freedom from bondage sets in train an amazing series of events leading to the entire enslaved population achieving liberty and eventually regaining their promised ancestral land.
The effect of this tale in Gaza was astounding. Almost without exception people began exclaiming that the familiarity of this story could not be coincidental.
A group of people from the land of Palestine…..
Held captive in terrible conditions by stern and unforgiving ruler……
Far from their ancestral homes…..
Not very good with boats…..
There could be but one explanation – the story must refer to us!
And if we, the population of Gaza, are indeed God’s chosen people we face the logical conclusion of this scenario….
We must also be Jewish!
It was at this moment it all fell into place, our destiny as Gods chosen people was clear and thus the collective decision was taken to return to our true religion and promised land”
Israeli government spokesman, Ari Levi, responding to reporter’s questions clarified some of the implications of today’s announcements.
“Well yes, this does mean, like all Jews, they do now have the right to become Israeli citizens and move to their national homeland - it’s just that numbers of this magnitude are not quite what we’re used to”
“I think, however, the idea that they will all suddenly decide to move here now is purely speculative and unwarranted”.
Gaza spokesman Cohen confirmed this final point.
“Its true. No decision has yet been taken on where to move to, nor indeed on what we do when we reach there.
So far we’ve only read as far as the ‘wandering in the wilderness for forty years’ part.
I’ve heard rumours we’ll go to Jericho, Kab and Rimmon and maybe meet the Amorites and Gibeonites but please, don’t tell me.
I just hate it when someone spoils a good story by giving away the surprise ending.”
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Thursday, January 1, 2009
They've done it again.
First the Wedgwood Document, then the Darwin Letter.
We thought that would be an end to it, but no.
They've done the one thing we thought we'd never see....
The Institute of Discovery has unearthed the legendary Lady Hope Darwin Confession film.
They've only released a short segment, two brief episodes of Charles Darwin, in his own words.
But what words they are.
Less than a minute and Darwin, like a Sampson in the temple of materialistic science, tears down the entire edifice of evolution, like a house of cards in a tornado while meanwhile demonstrating his uncanny knack of anticipating scientific discoveries made over a century after his death.
Even more shockingly, Lady Hope films a segment of Darwin demonstrating public speaking tips for European youngsters, a section of film that today, can only be met by stunned silence as we realize the havoc this sadly misguided lesson would cause in decades to come.
Apparently more sections will be released by their restorer, the legendary Edgar Allen, but for now I, like many of you no doubt, have a lot of thinking to do, and just perhaps I may take some moments to write a well deserved letter of apology to a certain Mr Ben Stein.