Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Ireland Eliminates its National Debt, thanks be to God!

Minister Ahern and his new team

Economists the World over are hailing the Republic of Ireland's innovative approach to the international financial crisis. Dubbed the ‘Ahern Strategy’ after its creator, Minister for Justice Dermot Ahern, the plan is expected to rapidly turn a national debt of €37 billion into a surplus of almost €300 billion.
“Quite frankly I’m shocked”, stated internationally renowned financial analyst Brian Ellison.
“Why nobody thought of this before simply astounds me.”
Ahern’s plan is based on the simple idea that the State can extract a charge from any individual who falls foul of the new law of defamation against religion.
While anti-blasphemy laws have been in place in Ireland since the adoption of the republics 1937 constitution they have been rather toothless in the absence of a legal definition of the term.
“That’s the genius of Ahern’s plan” Ellison explains. “He’s defined “Blasphemous matter" as "grossly abusive or insulting in relation to matters held sacred by any religion, thereby causing outrage among a substantial number of the adherents of that religion; and he or she intends, by the publication of the matter concerned, to cause such outrage" and put a figure of €100,000 as the fine to be levied by the State for each breach of the new law.”
“Brilliant! I can’t describe it an any other way”
Catholic and Protestant church services are full of statements about God that are blasphemous to Muslims. Both Jewish and Muslim beliefs about the divinity of Jesus Christ are clearly blasphemous to Christians. Hindu’s and Buddhists fare no better and the claim by atheists that religions have as much basis in fact as the story of the three little pigs is offensive to most if not all true believers. Is there anyone in the country that’s excluded by this marvellous act?”
“Just do the calculations!”
“3.3 million adults in Ireland at €100,000 a pop…….”

“That’s €330 billion Euro!”

Public reaction to the law has been mixed so far.
Letters of support for the legislation have been appearing in the national newspapers.
For instance Mr OB Laden writing to The Irish Independent’ from Torabora, County Offaly states,
“The crimes of the apostates are many and Allah is clear that we must avenge these wrongs. We applaud the brave stance of Mr Ahern on this matter. His help shall not be forgotten and will be rewarded in due course. We assure him that when we are in control his death shall be quick and painless”
Speaking to RTE TV reporters in Dublin this week some locals out shopping had a more negative opinion of the ‘Aherne Plan’
“Jesus, Mary and Joseph” said Anne Kelly, 55 from Coolock, County Dublin, when told of the new legislation, before being unexpectedly dragged away by the State security services for publicly flouting the new law.

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