Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Obama camp in disarray as Jesus endorses McCain

McCain bags the ultimate celebrity endorsement

Democrat sources today spoke of a resounding sense of shock within the camp of Presidential hopeful Barack Obama as the shock announcement from GOP headquarters hit the national airwaves.

"Quite frankly this is the last thing we expected" a visibly shaken aide told us off the record. "We thought they'd round up the usual lot, Arnie, Chuck Norris, that racist Bounty Hunter guy and probably a few wrestlers but you have to hand it to them, they've really pulled it out of the hat with this one."

Republican sources hinted that it was the close friendship of Pat Robertson that swung it for Jesus.

"Pat speaks to Jesus nearly every day, emails him, even sends him books.
He says Jesus is a big fan of several Republican writers, he's got all Ann Coulters books".

While the involvement of a deity in a presidential campaign is unprecedented in recent years, it was a common feature in historical times and critics have already questioned whether other aspects of such involvements will feature in the current campaign.

"We're not going to get another flood are we?" asked Bernie Louman, political editor of the Boston Times, "Its just that I'm planning to book a vacation to Hawaii for December and it'll be a waste of money if he's planning on drowning everyone again."

Early polling of a key swing voting group, the 'don't-knows' is already showing a positive effect for McCains bold move.

"I was considering voting Obama as a possibility, but now I'm not so sure", says Tom Kellington, 35, an accountant from Philadelphia.
"I prefer Obama's policies but, you know, I don't really want to get smited"

"Its not going to have an effect on my decision", claimed Shankar Kapoor, 46, company director from Los Angeles. "I will judge the candidates on their stated policies and .....wait a second....Jesus?..... but I'm Hindu!"

Democrat sources say while the intervention of Jesus looks like it may give McCain an unassailable lead, Obama does have one last hope.

"Our analysists tell us that the Jesus who's endorsing McCain/Palin is more of your modern 'Republican Jesus'. You know the sort, NRA member, hates taxes and homosexuals, wants to shoot abortion clinic workers and drives around in a Hummer with an 'I don't believe in global warming' bumper sticker and a Confederate flag."

"We're hoping people won't confuse him with that other Jesus from the bible, the one who looked after his fellow man, advocated charity and forgiveness and tried to help the sick and poor".


Fran said...

hahhahhahhahahahahah - that is hilarious.

Hannu said...

Love it.

Is there anything that photoshop can't do?

Anonymous said...

I was just surfing around and returned to this site. Wow! I was so busy helping elect Pres. Obama that I missed all the fun. Attention: Anytime you are confronted by the "Jesus/ Is there a god?" argument, tell people you're agnostic. That really confuses them.