We, the staff of the Sneer Review, fully supporting the mission of those defenders against the rising tide of militant secularism, have decided to promote the goals of religious diversity. As a first measure we seek to support the diverse views about the founder of Christianity, a Mr Jesus H. Christ. While the orthodox story of Jesus involved him living all his life in ancient Israel before his untimely death on the cross, there is an alternative narrative, equally supported by the evidence, involving, not one, but two visits to Japan.
According to CNN:
"The historically lost middle years of Christ were spent west of Tokyo before he returned to the Middle East and to religious and political turmoil -- and the rest of the story.
The traditional narrative includes his crucifixion, of course, which in the Shingo version he avoided when his brother selflessly substituted himself for Jesus.
Carrying some of his brother’s remains, Christ travelled from Jerusalem via Siberia and Alaska before ending up in the northern Japanese port of Hachinohe and finally inland to what is now Shingo.
After such a voyage he deserved to settle down, marry a local woman and father children, which is exactly what he did, inadvertently creating a possible bloodline. He finally died a natural death aged an average-busting 106 years"
Jesus' obvious love for Japanese culture finally resolves the hitherto unexplained miracle of the loaves and fishes which is now revealed to be the first historical incidence of a sushi party.
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