Thursday, May 8, 2008

Expelled ! The Deleted Scenes

OK, don't ask how I did it but I've managed to get
hold of the original screenplay for 'Expelled - No
Intelligence Involved' and can now bring to light
the notorious 'deleted scenes' I'll try to add more
if and when I can find time.

First up is this strangely familiar scene in which
an older model car pulls up outside the Discovery
Institute in Seattle. Inside John Travolta and
Samuel L Jackson, wearing dark suits, begin to speak.


JULES

Okay now, tell me about “Intelligent Design”.



VINCENT

What so you want to know?



JULES

Well, it’s stupid, right?



VINCENT

Yeah, it's stupid, but it ain't a hundred percent stupid.

You can't walk into a school, open ‘Pandas and People’,

and start lying away about it. But you can make a very

good
living talking about it in certain designated places.



JULES

Those are churches?



VINCENT

Yeah, it breaks down like this:

it's legal to believe Intelligent Design, it's legal to

preach about it in a church and, if you're the

pastor of that
church, it's legal to tell your congregation

that it explains
how snakes can talk, people can live in

whales, and that
T.rex was a coconut chomping

vegetarian who gave children
joyrides. But doesn't

really matter 'cause -- get a load of
this

-- because its religion, it's illegal for the IRS to tax


you when you do so! Taxing churches is a right that the IRS

don't have.



JULES

That did it, man -- I'm fuckin'

doin' it, that's all there is to it.



VINCENT

You'll dig it the most. But you

know what the funniest thing about

Intelligent Design is?



JULES

Casey Luskin?



VINCENT

It's the little differences. A

lotta the same shit we got here,

they got there, but there they're a

little different.



JULES

Examples?



VINCENT

Well, in the Discovery Institute, you don’t

need ‘evidence'
to back up your ideas. And I don’t

just mean ideas about what
happens in the real world.

They give you the chance to completely
explain

really stupid crap. At the DI you can just claim


“The Designer Did It”, if you get stuck.

Also, you know what they call peer review in the

Discovery
Institute?



JULES

They don't call it peer review?



VINCENT

No, they’re not scientists, they wouldn't

know what the
fuck peer review is.



JULES

What'd they call it?



VINCENT

"Denial of academic freedom".



JULES

(repeating)

"Denial of academic freedom"?

And why did David Berlinski
give that

interview while lying on his back?




VINCENT

Big Dave's a big twat, he just hates

‘le Big Science’.




JULES

How about the Whoppers?



VINCENT

I dunno, I've never read ‘Icons of Evolution’

by Jonathan Wells.


But you know what they really want to teach

in biology class
instead of science?



JULES

What?



VINCENT

Creationism.



JULES

Goddamn!



VINCENT

I seen 'em do it. And I don't mean a little bit in

philosophy of science class, they’ll fuckin'

drown 'em poor
kids in it.



JULES

Uuccch!

5 comments:

scripto said...

Brilliant! I would have paid to see this version.

flashfox said...

Yes, it needs to be done and put on youtube :) hilarious.

trog69 said...

Jules "Gettin' pushed out of a second-story window, just for pushin' ID, seems a bit harsh...on second thought, nevermind."

NP said...

Comedy gold!

BaldySlaphead said...

Great stuff :-))