OK, don't ask how I did it but I've managed to get
hold of the original screenplay for 'Expelled - No
Intelligence Involved' and can now bring to light
the notorious 'deleted scenes' I'll try to add more
if and when I can find time.
First up is this strangely familiar scene in which
an older model car pulls up outside the Discovery
Institute in Seattle. Inside John Travolta and
Samuel L Jackson, wearing dark suits, begin to speak.
JULES
Okay now, tell me about “Intelligent Design”.
VINCENT
What so you want to know?
JULES
Well, it’s stupid, right?
VINCENT
Yeah, it's stupid, but it ain't a hundred percent stupid.
You can't walk into a school, open ‘Pandas and People’,
and start lying away about it. But you can make a very
good living talking about it in certain designated places.
JULES
Those are churches?
VINCENT
Yeah, it breaks down like this:
it's legal to believe Intelligent Design, it's legal to
preach about it in a church and, if you're the
pastor of that church, it's legal to tell your congregation
that it explains how snakes can talk, people can live in
whales, and that T.rex was a coconut chomping
vegetarian who gave children joyrides. But doesn't
really matter 'cause -- get a load of this
-- because its religion, it's illegal for the IRS to tax
you when you do so! Taxing churches is a right that the IRS
don't have.
JULES
That did it, man -- I'm fuckin'
doin' it, that's all there is to it.
VINCENT
You'll dig it the most. But you
know what the funniest thing about
Intelligent Design is?
JULES
Casey Luskin?
VINCENT
It's the little differences. A
lotta the same shit we got here,
they got there, but there they're a
little different.
JULES
Examples?
VINCENT
Well, in the Discovery Institute, you don’t
need ‘evidence' to back up your ideas. And I don’t
just mean ideas about what happens in the real world.
They give you the chance to completely explain
really stupid crap. At the DI you can just claim
“The Designer Did It”, if you get stuck.
Also, you know what they call peer review in the
Discovery Institute?
JULES
They don't call it peer review?
VINCENT
No, they’re not scientists, they wouldn't
know what the fuck peer review is.
JULES
What'd they call it?
VINCENT
"Denial of academic freedom".
JULES
(repeating)
"Denial of academic freedom"?
And why did David Berlinski give that
interview while lying on his back?
VINCENT
Big Dave's a big twat, he just hates
‘le Big Science’.
JULES
How about the Whoppers?
VINCENT
I dunno, I've never read ‘Icons of Evolution’
by Jonathan Wells.
But you know what they really want to teach
in biology class instead of science?
JULES
What?
VINCENT
Creationism.
JULES
Goddamn!
VINCENT
I seen 'em do it. And I don't mean a little bit in
philosophy of science class, they’ll fuckin'
drown 'em poor kids in it.
JULES
Uuccch!
5 comments:
Brilliant! I would have paid to see this version.
Yes, it needs to be done and put on youtube :) hilarious.
Jules "Gettin' pushed out of a second-story window, just for pushin' ID, seems a bit harsh...on second thought, nevermind."
Comedy gold!
Great stuff :-))
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